BIRTHDAY SUIT -- THE MOVIE
Text revised 02 June 2003
Very minor changes 06 June 2003INT. CLASSROOM - DAY
RHODRI DAVIES is standing in front of his first-year
university history class. He is dapperly dressed in a
fine suit, tailored by Armani.
RHODRI
(VO)
Today is my birthday again and I am
forty-four years old. I wore my
birthday suit to class this morning, in
memory of last year, when I went
shopping with my mother. Shirt, socks,
tie, suit: I wear them all. The
kids, used to me in sweatshirt and
jeans, look shocked.
A REDHEAD sitting in the second row raises her hand.
REDHEAD
Going to a wedding Mr Davies?
RHODRI
No. I have no intention of getting
married.
A BOY at the back chimes in.
BOY
Someone die then?
RHODRI
No, not yet, but they might. I'm coming
round with some tests and the sooner
you start, the sooner you'll know what
you forgot to study.
Groans of disapproval echo round the room.
Rhodri returns to his desk and listens to the sounds of
pencil and ballpoint pen pushed over paper.
The blonde girl in the front row, far right, stares
intently at Rhodri, making him blush and squirm in his
seat. He looks out the window.
EXT. STREET BY TAILOR SHOP - DAY
An elderly woman, MRS DAVIES, is being pushed in a
wheelchair by her son, Rhodri, up the street to the front
of the tailor shop.
RHODRI
(VO)
My mother still insists on shopping for
clothes for me. She says I am incapable
of choosing anything respectable for
myself. Last year, when I was home, she
borrowed one of my father's charge
cards and I pushed her to the local
bespoke tailor.
MRS. DAVIES
We're nearly there, Rhodri.
RHODRI
Yes, mother.
MRS. DAVIES
The tailor's is just ahead.
RHODRI
Mother, I don't like Mr. ...
MRS. DAVIES
It's your birthday, Rhodri. You're
having a new suit!
Mr. GARETH MORGAN, the tailor, sees them crossing the
road towards his shop and he flings the door wide-open.
He is an old man who considers himself a man of the
world, an international citizen, always ready to help
others.
Mrs. Davies gets up out of her wheelchair, waits for
Rhodri to fold it and stack it against the side of the
doorway. She takes him firmly by the arm, and pulls him
the last few steps into the shop.
INT. TAILOR SHOP - DAY
The tailor shop is filled with ties and shirts and socks
and various types of jackets. It is modern yet charming.
GARETH MORGAN
Nice weather for the time of year?
When Gareth Morgan speaks, he turns his full attention on
the person he is talking to. During this conversation, he
concentrates on Mrs. Davies.
MRS. DAVIES
Mr. Morgan, my son is in need of a fine
suit as befits an ... university
professor.
Mrs. Davies makes a slight pause between an ... and ...
university professor, to mark the unusual nature of her
son's accomplishments. Mr. Morgan bows his head slightly
indicating that he is impressed with the social status of
his customer
GARETH MORGAN
An ... university professor? I knew he
was a teacher...but an ... university
professor...?
Mrs. Davies nods her head, her eyes half-closed and full
of belligerent sagacity.
MRS. DAVIES
An ... university professor. And he
needs a new suit. A nice suit, Mr
Morgan. You know what I mean?
GARETH MORGAN
Indeed I do? You are saying he would be
wanting a complete outfit?
MRS. DAVIES
Oh yes, Mr. Morgan. A complete outfit
would be nice. With a shirt and a tie
and a pair of socks and a matching silk
handkerchief for his little breast
pocket.
Mr. Morgan looks Rhodri up and down.
He proceeds to rummage round his shop. He discards
blazers and sports coats, finally pouncing on a suit.
GARETH MORGAN
Now, this is a nice suit?
MRS. DAVIES
Indeed it is, but hadn't you better
measure him first?
Mr. Morgan waves his hand in the air as though
remembering.
GARETH MORGAN
Ah, yes.
Mr. Morgan leaves the suit on the rack, and approaches
Rhodri with a tape measure which he starts to unwind with
care.
Mr. Morgan's daughter, MEG, enters the room from the back
of the store. She is a homely, but attractive, young lady
of about 35.
GARETH MORGAN
Ah, there you are Meg? Good girl. This
is my daughter Meg?
He gently places the measuring tape in her hands.
Rhodri looks at Meg and then at Mr. Morgan and his
mother.
MRS. DAVIES
I was not aware that you had a daughter,
Mr. Morgan?
GARETH MORGAN
Meg's mother died recently and Meg came
to live with me. She arrived on my
doorstep, and now she is my young
apprentice? Show Rhodri what you've
learned Meg?
Meg approaches Rhodri with some hesitation as she is not
sure what to do. Rhodri assists her with more and more
confidence through out the measuring of the suit. He has
been here before.
GARETH MORGAN
You have put on weight this year, boy?
Quite portly I could say?
Morgan pauses, clears his throat, winks at his daughter
who glares back at him, and runs his tongue invitingly
round his lips
GARETH MORGAN
We might be tempted...
Mr. Morgan turns toward Mrs. Davies.
GARETH MORGAN
... to refer to him as stout.
Mr. Morgan sits down beside Mrs. Davies.
MRS. DAVIES
Oh, don't be so naughty, Mr. Morgan.
You do tease people so, you know. It
embarasses him to be called stout,
doesn't it darling? And you don't think
he's stout, do you Meg?
MEG
Oh no. I think he's just lovely.
Rhodri stands out on the floor of the tailor shop with a
martyred look on his face.
RHODRI
(VO)
It was my birthday. That year marked
the forty-third celebration of my
presence with my mother in some sort of
tailor's shop here on this earth.
Meg cannot help breathing sweetly in Rhodri's ear as she
tenderly moves the tape around his chest and his waist,
to measure him for the jacket. As she moves her hands
towards the inside of his legs, to take the inside leg
measurement for the trousers, Rhodri slaps feebly at her
hand.
GARETH MORGAN
Legs apart wider, boy, so you can let
her in to measure you?
Morgan chuckles at what might be a joke winking first at
Mrs. Davies and then at Meg and Rhodri in turn. Meg
looks bewildered, slightly lost, and suitably embarrassed.
Mrs. Davies and Mr. Morgan sigh in unison.
MRS. DAVIES
Meg, did you know we used to call your
dad Organ Morgan when he was a boy?
MEG
Stop it.
RHODRI
(puzzled)
Stop what?
MEG
Not you, them. They're teasing.
MRS. DAVIES
Remember, Mr. Morgan? We used to call
you Organ Morgan when you were a boy!
GARETH MORGAN
That's because I always sang so loud in
church?
Morgan and Mrs. Davies laugh at this revelation. Morgan
then turns his attention to Rhodri.
GARETH MORGAN
Legs farther apart, boy? You've got to
give her some room to work?
Meg and Rhodri are both clearly embarrassed by the
intimacies of the necessity of measuring Rhodri for
trousers. Meg needs assistance, and Rhodri coaches her in
measuring and positioning both her and himself correctly.
GARETH MORGAN
As short as ever is he?
MEG
Oh dad! There's a tease you are!
Morgan winks at Mrs. Davies.
MRS. DAVIES
It's much too late for him to grow now.
GARETH MORGAN
Except perhaps outwards?
Morgan gives Rhodri a friendly nod and a wink. He gives
Mrs. Davies a nudge. Meg gives Rhodri a friendly smile
and turns to look at her father
MEG
There's naughty you are!
GARETH MORGAN
That should do the job, Meg? About
eight inches off the leg?
Morgan goes over to the rack and, like a conjuror pulling
a rabbit from a hat, produces the suit.
RHODRI
(VO)
What a suit it was! (add description here)
Morgan holds the suit up for Mrs. Davies's approval; he
turns it, pats it, strokes the material till it glows in
the shop. She nods in satisfaction.
MRS. DAVIES
That's what I call a nice suit, Mr.
Morgan. And he needs a nice suit, now
that he's an ... university professor.
GARETH MORGAN
He must try it on.
Morgan hands the suit to Meg who sets it on a hook
nearby. She presses gently against Rhodri as she attempts
to assist him in removing his jacket. Then, with intimate
care, she prepares the coat and, as Rhodri turns to place
his arms in the sleeves she holds towards him, she runs
her fingers lingeringly over his shoulders and back, as
she smooths out the fabric. Rhodri does not shy away from
her touch.
GARETH MORGAN
Perfect fit, Meg? What a lovely boy?
MEG
Oh, lovely, lovely. He's just perfect,
Mrs Davies.
Mrs. Davies nods her approval.
GARETH MORGAN
Now you're going to try on the
trousers? You will want Meg to give you
a little help?
Meg's hand moves towards Rhodri's zippered fly, but
Rhodri turns away and quickly steps towards the dressing
room at the back of the shop.
Morgan beams a sly smile in the direction of Mrs. Davies.
GARETH MORGAN
There's shy he is? But he's grown up
into a lovely big boy? Go after him,
Meg? Don't stop now?
Meg, with the utmost of care and concentration, slips the
suit pants off their hangar and dangles them
encouragingly but awkwardly in front of Rhodri.
GARETH MORGAN
Hold out the waistband for him, Meg.
He'll have to step in. Then we'll see
some action?
MRS. DAVIES
Oh, Mr. Morgan, you shouldn't! You and
Meg mustn't go to so much trouble. He
can do it himself. He's a big boy now.
Morgan sighs. Meg looks in a bewildered fashion at a spot
about halfway between Rhodri's stomach and knees. Meg
sighs. Mrs. Davies sighs. The sighs form a crescendo.
Rhodri sighs loudest of all.
GARETH MORGAN
We can see that, can't we Meg? And a
lovely boy, too?
MRS. DAVIES
Yes, come along. Let Meg Morgan help
you into your birthday trousers, dear.
Meg is helping Rhodri as he puts on his trousers. A
little pull here, a little push there, a tug at the
waistband... then through a mouthful of pins, she hitches
the bottom of the trouser leg over the laces of the
shoes, and pins up the trousers, about eight inches, to
the appropriate length.
MRS. DAVIES
Oh, Mr. Morgan, you did say it would be
about eight inches.
GARETH MORGAN
Yes, naked or clothed I can usually
estimate how much they'll take? I'm
rarely mistaken and I've always had a
good eye for size?
He gives Rhodri an encouraging wink and Meg pushes him
gently towards his mother who looks absolutely thrilled.
MRS. DAVIES
He looks lovely. He'll take it.
GARETH MORGAN
You'll be wanting us to do the
adjustments?
MRS. DAVIES
Oh no, Mr. Morgan, that wouldn't be
right. You and Meg have been much too
kind already. I might be confined to a
wheelchair, but I'm not completely
useless, you know. Leave the pins where
I can see them clearly. Of course, Meg,
you could always come over and help.
MEG
Oh, lovely, lovely, Mrs. Davies. I'd
love to do that.
Now Rhodri looks bewildered. He starts
to move towards the haven of the dressing room.
GARETH MORGAN
Now you're not rushing away, and you'll
be wanting Meg to help you?
Rhodri is trying to remove the jacket and his hands
become handcuffed behind his back by both jacket sleeves.
Meg, smiles at Rhodri. She purses her lips and wrinkles
her nose. They share a moment of mutual amusement at
their embarrassment
As Rhodri struggles to free the jacket, the pants slide
neatly around his feet, imprisoning them as well.
MRS. DAVIES
Mr. Morgan, do you want him to try the
shirt on now?
Rhodri starts to speak.
RHODRI
But, mother...
Before he can complete the sentence his mother glares at
him and he falls silent.
MRS. DAVIES
You're having an outfit.
RHODRI
(VO)
My mother and Mr. Morgan were having an
animated discussion about the merits of
button-down collars on shirts; plain
shirts and striped shirts; white shirts
and coloured shirts; coloured shirts
with white collars and white shirts
with coloured collars; then they were
on to socks; it was woolly socks or
cotton socks; nylon socks or blended
socks; thick socks or thin socks; plain
grey socks, coloured socks or patterned
socks; short, ankle socks or long knee
length socks; next came ties; striped
ties or plain ties; club ties,
regimental ties, or old school ties;
matching ties or contrasting ties.
Mr. Morgan and Mrs. Davies are down to the task of
choosing a colour for a pocket handkerchief. Meg follows
instructions and tucks each one lovingly into Rhodri's
little breast pocket. She holds her face close to his as
she does so, sighing all the while. At this stage,
neither backs off from the close encounter.
MRS. DAVIES
I'd like to finish up soon, Mr. Morgan.
I have my tea at this time.
GARETH MORGAN
Meg has a few more handkerchiefs to try
out in his little breast pocket... Meg,
dear, that silk one should be quite
nice?
Mr. Morgan accepts Mrs. Davies's credit card and runs it
through the machine. In all, the purchase includes one
suit, two ties, two shirts, two pairs of socks and a set
of six silk handkerchiefs. He packs everything into a
bright yellow plastic bag. Meg stands as close as
possible to Rhodri, willing him not to go.
EXT. STREET BY TAILOR SHOP - DAY
Rhodri unfolds the wheelchair and, as he is making his
mother comfortable, Mr. Morgan shakes him firmly by the
hand.
As Rhodri starts to wheel his Mother away from the store,
Mr. Morgan calls out one final parting shot.
GARETH MORGAN
Happy birthday, boy, come back and see
us soon? We can't wait to see you in
your birthday suit?
MRS. DAVIES
Oh Rhodri, you'll deliver brilliant
lectures in this suit. Hurry now, I
must have my tea. Good bye, Meg. Good
day Mr. Morgan.
GARETH MORGAN
Good bye, Mrs. Davies. Good bye,
Rhodri.
Meg waves goodbye to Rhodri who thinks about waving back
then at his mother's insistence, hurriedly navigates his
mother away from the store.
MRS. DAVIES
Come along, Rhodri.
RHODRI
Yes, mother.
INT. CLASSROOM - DAY
Rhodri looks up from his pad of paper. He looks around
the classroom.
RHODRI
(VO)
As I drank my cup of tea later that
day, I marveled to myself that, once
again, I had spent an entire afternoon
shopping with my mother and had hardly
managed to speak a word.
(beat)
Six weeks later, my mother was dead. I
went home for her funeral, and I wore
the last suit she would ever buy me.
INT. FUNERAL PARLOUR - DAY
Rhodri is standing beside his mother's unopened coffin.
His attitude is almost of denial. An ATTENDANT enters the
room and approaches him.
ATTENDANT
Shall I open the coffin now?
RHODRI
(determined voice)
No. That won't be necessary.
ATTENDANT
But I have dressed her in what we like
to call her birthday suit ready for her
rebirth into the splendors of heaven.
As the Attendant starts to raise the coffin lid, Rhodri
intervenes and places his hand forcefully on the coffin.
RHODRI
Thank you.
The attendant leaves the room and Rhodri stands looking
down at the coffin.
RHODRI
(VO)
I imagined her as I seemed to remember
her: so talkative, so volatile, so
spirited, so unquenchable. This thing
of silence was not the woman who
chattered all the way home from Mr.
Gareth Morgan's shop as she clutched
the bright yellow bag in which she bore
the suit I now wear.
EXT. GRAVEYARD - DAY
At the graveyard, Rhodri and several mourners are
gathered around the white hearse. Rhodri's dad is
standing beside him as people pass by shaking hands and
hugging the two men.
Mr Morgan shakes Rhodri's hand and moves away silently.
Meg approaches Rhodri. There is moment where neither
knows what to do. Awkwardly, there is an embrace which is
genuine and warm.
INT. CLASSROOM - DAY
Rhodri looks up from his pad of paper. The students are
still writing in their exam tablets.
RHODRI
(VO)
Today it is my birthday, and I am
sitting in class, wearing the birthday
suit my mother bought me last year. I
have had time to reflect on my
relationship with my mother, and now I
know what I must do.
He turns his attention to the blonde girl in the front
row. At that moment she looks up, her eyes lock with his.
She stares right at him. He stares right back at her
unwilling to concede as he has so many times in the past.
Ultimately she gives up and resumes writing her test.
EXT. TAILOR SHOP - DAY
Rhodri walks briskly up the street toward the tailor
shop. As he arrives at the shop entrance, Meg emerges
from inside and sees him approaching.
RHODRI
Good day, Ms. Morgan.
MEG
Good day to you, Mr. Davies
RHODRI
Please, call me Rhodri.
MEG
And you must call me Meg.
RHODRI
Very well Meg, I am in need of a fine
suit as befits an ... university
professor.
MEG
I'm afraid my father is away today. If
you come back...
RHODRI
I didn't come for a fitting by your
father, Meg. I would like you to see to
my birthday suit this year. Can
you do that for me, Meg?
MEG
Oh yes, Rhodri. Please come in. I know
just what to do.
As Rhodri enters the store, Meg takes his arm. The door
closes behind them.